Two Experiments
by HowAboutThat
Summary: Deuteronomy's decided on an experiment that he chooses from a hat that randomly paired Jellicles have to do. This outta be awkward! Two-shot!
1. Chapter 1

HAT: I was watching stuff on Youtube and I messed with the Random Pairing Generator and then I got this!

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, I don't even think I own all of the plot... just part of it.**

* * *

Old Deuteronomy stands on top of the tire and looks down at the Jellicles that he's gathered. They stand there, or sit, looking up at him in confusion and expectation. They're all wondering why they're gathered and what he's looking at on that clipboard. Even Munkustrap isn't allowed to look at it or even Gus, who's a bit older than Deuteronomy. So, there they sit, in confusion and waiting for whatever to happen to happen. Still, he just looks at that clipboard.

"So, there's a little experiment that Macavity thought I should try-"

"Why're you listening to Macavity?" demands Tugger. "He's a criminal."

The old leader glances up at his second eldest son and sighs. "There was a video... and we play poker sometimes." This causes a few tribe members to blink, but he continues anyway. "So, each of you will do something, depending on what I draw from this hat... and you'll do it to the cat you're assigned to."

Coricopat and Tantomile's eyes widen. "What?! We're doing what?!"

"What're we doing?" Tumblebrutus asks his queenfriend.

Tantomile runs a paw through her head fur and sighs. "You'll see... there's two options, neither one a really good one... though one, I'm sure, will go better than the other."

"Oh, yeah," Coricopat mutters.

Deuteronomy rolls his eyes. "Okay, so... Tantomile and Electra... Munkustrap and Rumpelteazer, Jenny and Jemima... Alonzo and Gus... Mistoffelees and Exotica, Tumblebrutus and Victoria... Admetus and Demeter, Skimbleshanks and Asparagus, Mungojerrie and Coricopat, Bustopher Jones and Pouncival... Tugger and Etcetera... and Plato and Bombalurina... So... have fuuuun," he says as he reaches into the hat and picks one, making the mystics relax. "Slapping one another!"

"I am not slapping Etcy!" Tugger says immediately.

"I-I can't slap uncle Gus," Alonzo says in distraught.

"Lucky Jellylorum, out collecting herbs," Bustopher complains.

Plenty of protests rise until Deuteronomy crosses his arms and raises one eyebrow and goes into "daddy mode" to make them quiet down. "It's a bonding experience, just trust me!"

Everyone shares looks and looks back up at their leader, unsure, but he hasn't let them down so far, so they might as well trust him with this... with reluctance, I might add. Everyone turns to face the person that they're assigned to and are very reluctant to slap anyone.

_Tantomile & Electra:_

Tantomile looks at the queen-kit and bites her bottom lip. She doesn't want to slap the kit, but it's better than what was originally planned. "Um... how's your morning been?"

"Pretty tired, I'm sleepy now," she replies with a yawn. "I guess we're supposed to slap each other."

"So... do you want to go first or me?"

"You, I need to wake up anyway." Tantomile reaches forward and then pulls her hand back in reluctance. This continues for about a minute before she closes her eyes and kits the kit in the face and hearing a cry. She opens her dark brown eyes and moves forward, guilty for what she's done and apologizing profusely before stuttering to a stop when the black and brown she-kit laughs. "Wow, that woke me up! I guess it's my turn."

Apparently kits have no reluctance when it comes to slapping others before she slaps and it's a pretty good slap, the female mystic had to admit. "That was a good one."

"I'm sorry," Electra says, batting her big, dark brown eyes.

"Oh, it's okay, I'm sorry, too," Tantomile says, gathering the kit in a hug.

_Munkustrap & Rumpelteazer:_

The silver tabby looks at the tri-colored calico awkwardly. Rumpelteazer smiles sheepishly, her dark brown eyes gaining that tint of green. They only exchange awkward smiles before Munkustrap points to her and himself, a silent question. The she-thief grimaces and hits Munkustrap in the face and then giggles, a guilty look on her face. Munkustrap hits her lightly on the face, enough so she won't think that he went easy on her and make him hit her again, but soft enough that he won't feel guilty.

"Come on, you can hit harder than that!" complains the Cockney young queen.

"But I-"

She slaps him and it stings, causing him to look at her in shock. "Hit me like that."

He grimaces. "But I don't-"

"Do it!" she yells. "Are you a cat or a mouse because quite frankly you're seem pretty mousey to me."

With a heavy sigh he hits her harder, enough to leave a red mark and she grins. "Thanks!"

"Why are you thanking me for hitting you?"

"Because I know you'd be willing to do something like that for me."

He hugs her. "I really didn't want to hit you."

"Yes you did... somewhere in there."

He chuckles. "I suppose."

_Jenny & Jemima:_

Jemima shifts from foot to foot and looks up at Jennyanydots with uncertainty. "But, I don't want to do it... you said-"

"I know, but since Old Deuteronomy's giving us no choice and others are doing it, I give you permission to hit me."

"But-"

Jenny lightly slaps the kitten rather gently, but she made it sound louder and harder than it actually was, and her chocolate brown eyes hold guilt. "Come on, just hit me, as hard as you want to."

Jemima moves to make it hard, but she merely taps the queen's cheek. "There, that's how much I wanted."

The Gumbie Cat smiles and rubs the kitten's hurt cheek. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble, you did what I asked and stayed true to yourself... that's all I could ask for."

Jemima grins, proud of herself and glad that the mother figure in her life is proud of her, too. After all, this queen, along with Jellylorum, have acted as her mothers since she didn't know her birth mother, unlike her older siblings, Mistoffelees and Victoria, so they're as close as she's ever gotten to any type of mother.

_Alonzo & Gus:_

Gus sits there, a bored expression on his face as he looks up at the black and white patched tom. Obviously he doesn't want to slap the elder tom, who's been an uncle figure to him, to a lot of them despite having been the Heartthrob before. Dark brown eyes stare into bright blue ones with boredom and he sighs.

"Seriously, I've been hit pretty hard back in my day," assures the black and brown stripped tom.

"I-I know, but-"

"He never said how hard you had to slap me," the actor says, trying to provide some sort of comfort to the patched tom.

A slow nod before a small smack hits the wrinkled cheek of the Sr. Asparagus, who blinks in surprise. No, not in pain or even a sting, but at how... she-kit-like it is now. He lifts his paw and hits Alonzo like a tom, hard and fast, making the mostly white faced cat stare in pure and utter shock.

"If you're gonna hit me, hit like a tom instead of a she-kit. Jemima's hit me harder than that!"

Okay, granted it was an accident because she was squirming and kicked him in the jaw and she apologized for a week straight before he assured that he was fine with it, but it still counts and it was still harder than how he was hit just now.

"Okay, fine!" Alonzo hits the tom like the tom he's supposed to be and the slapped tom gains a grin.

"There's a real hit!" proudly says the striped tom. "That's the hit of a Jellicle!"

The patched tom stares at the one he's slapped and blinks. "Wow... I don't feel as guilty as I thought I would after that reaction."

"You shouldn't," grunts the one with shaky paws. "You nearly disappointed me."

The two laugh and watch the others slap each other, finding a surprising amount of joy in doing so.

_Mistoffelees & Exotica:_

The black and white tux walks up to the dark brown queen reluctantly and as soon as he opens his mouth, he's slapped. He gapes for a moment before he blinks. He's shocked that they didn't even have a decent, yet awkward conversation, much like the others, before slapping one another. Of course Exotica, much like her sister, likes to get to the point and save awkward conversations for later, a habit that the both of them, as Gus has said, got from their mother, a queen named Kohana.

The dark queen raises an eyebrow. "So? Are you doing to slap me back?"

"Oh," the conjuring cat murmurs, his dark eyes looking up at the queen, sister of his sometimes assistant, and sighs. "O-okay..."

He slaps her, not as reluctant as with it as others and not as softly as other have begun either. To his surprise she laughs.

"That was a good one! Wanna do it again?"

He chuckles nervously. "Okay, I guess we can keep going," he replies, getting slapped and he slaps back immediately, laughing at the pain and how awkward, yet... intimate everything is.

_Tumblebrutus & Victoria:_

Oh, boy, Plato's gonna kill me... and Misto... and Tugger and Munkustrap, thinks the white and brown young tom.

"Come on, I'm not afraid to get slapped, Misto's done it plenty of times in the past," Victoria says with a smirk.

"W-well... I mean-"

"You think I can't handle it... Here, I'll slap you as hard as I can and you can slap me back and see if I can handle it," she says.

The blue eyed tom-kit nods reluctantly. "Okay."

She cocks her arm back and swings, hitting him on the cheek and he stumbles a little. "Think I can take it?"

Most definitely, he thinks, unable to move his jaw other than to try and make it work at the moment. "Okay, I see... but if your brothers and mate kill me, it's not my fault."

She shrugs. "Okay... go for it!"

He hits her just about as hard as she hit him and she giggles. They slap back and forth, him flinching back every now and them, but for some odd reason they can't explain, they're having a good time just... slapping one another.

_Admetus & Demeter:_

"Come on, don't be a wimp," Admetus insists, tilting his cheek toward her. "I can take it."

The skittish queen shifts. "I don't know."

He lightly taps her face. "Okay, now hit me back, harder, okay?"

The black and gold queen grimaces as she hits him and the grayish brown tom laughs. "Whoa, that's some power!"

"You're taking this surprisingly well," the blue eyed queen murmurs.

"Well, I've got Plato so I've got a lot of practice being hit on by him, since that's what brothers do... yeah."

She observes him for a moment, as if to gauge his sanity, but realizes that if Munkustrap and Tugger were paired together, they would've slapped one another until one of them passed out. Sisters are a little different, but she can somewhat understand with Alonzo being like a brother to her... still, she's not a tom so she doesn't know. Oh, well, she'll just leave this alone and talk to the tom that she doesn't know as well as some other cats.

_Skimbleshanks & Asparagus:_

Neither of them wasted any time in slapping one another, in fact, they slapped one another at the same time. Seeing as they're just like brothers, there's no hesitation with stuff like this.

"Harder!" The two yell, getting slapped to the point they'll probably bruise.

"You hit like a queen," Asparagus complains.

"You hit like a queen-kit," Skimbleshanks complains.

The two end up wrestling, acting like two tom-kits would. Some of the others briefly pause their slapping to observe the two, but they've all seen something like this at least once before and they know that neither mean to hurt each other so they won't be in the Gumbie Cat's den any time soon.

There's not much else to say about these two besides they do this for the duration of the... slappage.

_Mungojerrie & Coricopat:_

The two toms stare at one another, dark brown eyes staring into bright blue ones. The one with bright blue eyes slowly raises his right paw before bringing it down swiftly on the other's face and a Cockney accented voice shouts out in pain.

"That hurts!" Mungojerrie complains.

Coricopat shrugs. "It's a slap, it's supposed to hurt."

The calico slaps back and the two end up in a staring contest, one of which the thief loses, making the mystic smirk. "You suck."

"That's just what you think," he grunts. "You're nervous about Munkus hitting Teazer... she's fine, she actually made him hit harder."

That makes the Notorious Tom relax. "Thanks, Cori."

A shrug. "No problem, it's just something that I do... Tantomile did not want to slap Electra, though."

Mungojerrie, though he doesn't know it, melts a little inside at the mention of his crush. "So, uh... how'd it go?"

That knowing smirk from the black and white mystic. "They're fine, they didn't slap one another too hard... in fact, Tanto got slapped harder."

That's my queen, the brown eyed young tom can't help but think.

"I wouldn't say that."

"Quit that!"

An amused chuckle.

_Bustopher Jones & Pouncival:_

Pouncival looks up at the cat in white spats and shifts awkwardly. He hasn't talked enough to the black and white tux in order to be comfortable with jumping up and slapping him. Sure, he has a high respect for him and wants to get a nod of acknowledgement from him now and again, but he doesn't know him that well. Bustopher feels that he shouldn't have to slap a tom-kit, that it's rude and he doesn't know him well enough to do it, even if his mother is Jennyanydots and uncle is Skimbleshanks.

"Well... I suppose that we'll have to slap one another," the large cat grunts.

"Uh-huh, I guess," the patched kit agrees. "So who goes first?"

"Well, do you want to go first?"

A shrug. "Okay, then, fine."

Bustopher moves to bend down, but the kit shocks him and jumps up to slap him. "Impressive."

"I'm sorry, did it hurt?"

"Not... too bad," admits the dark eyed tom before he does a slap like he would for a little kitten trying to touch something like glass.

Pouncival knows that he's held back, but he can't help but be grateful. "So... why do you always carry a spoon?"

_Tugger & Etcetera:_

The Rum Tum Tugger looks down at the silvery white queen-kit, and bites his bottom lip. This is his biggest admirer and he doesn't like hitting queens, even enemies that are queens, but he will if he has to. He glances up at his father and when he gets a stern look he groans. he doesn't want to hurt Etcetera, is that too much to ask? Could he just skip out on this? They stand there in silence before he just can't take it anymore and speaks.

"So... you wanna do it first or should I or... should we both do it at the same time?"

She seems to consider this before breathing out. "Same time."

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!" they both say before slapping one another with a decent amount of strength and immediately hugging one another and apologizing repetitively.

I didn't want to do it! Tugger thinks, unknowingly with Etcetera.

"Wimps," a certain mystic male "coughs" into his fist, earning an amber glare.

_Plato & Bombalurina:_

"So... go on and slap me," the crimson queen asks, an eyebrow lifted.

The copper tom pales. "U-uh... I guess..."

She tilts her head so he can get to her cheek better and he slaps her hard enough to leave it red, but definitely not hard enough to get him beat because he left a bruise. She smirks and slaps him so hard that he ends on on the ground unconscious.

"Oh, crap! Plato, wake up," the spotted queen begs the patched tom and shakes him.

"Dang, Bomba, you still got it!" Alonzo calls from next to Gus.

She manages to get him up after a little while and some use of Jenny's smelling salts.

"That was a good slap," he says with a smirk. "Got some anger in there?"

She doesn't answer so it's a yes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, gonna be bruised, but nothing I haven't gotten from Admetus."

She thinks about it and shrugs in agreement. "I've seen you two, you're pretty rough."

An amused chuckle.

"Crap!" Rumpelteazer cries, causing heads to swivel direction and they find that Munkustrap is on the ground holding his jaw with a surprised and impressed look on his face. "I'm so sorry!"

"No problem."

A LITTLE WHILE LATER!~

Deuteronomy smiles at how close everyone's become... but there was something that he couldn't quite remember about Macavity's results.

"hey, we should try slapping each other," Rumpelteazer says to Mistoffelees.

The Jellicle leader's ears flatten and dark eyes fill with worry. _Oh, yeah... what have I done?! I should've just chosen the other!_

* * *

HAT: The next one will be the other option. I just wanted everyone to slap each other. The other option is... more or less as intimate.

Jemima: How is slapping someone intimate.

HAT: Well, you see, you have to know someone to slap them. You either hate them, knowing them and hating them because of what you know, and slap them out of spite, or you love them.

Jemima: Why would you slap someone you love?

HAT: It could be alight, playful slap, or a light/hard slap to get some sense into them because words don't work, so basically you slap them because you care... or it's a baby and they want to go near the outlet... that could be something too.

Jemima: Okay...

HAT: Mima?

Jemima: *kitten eyes and pouty lip* pwease wevew?

HAT: How can you say no to that?


	2. Chapter 2

HAT: This one is a bit repetitive in the beginning, but just go with it.

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, I don't even think I own all of the plot... just part of it.**

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Old Deuteronomy stands on top of the tire and looks down at the Jellicles that he's gathered. They stand there, or sit, looking up at him in confusion and expectation. They're all wondering why they're gathered and what he's looking at on that clipboard. Even Munkustrap isn't allowed to look at it or even Gus, who's a bit older than Deuteronomy. So, there they sit, in confusion and waiting for whatever to happen to happen. Still, he just looks at that clipboard.

"So, there's a little experiment that Macavity thought I should try-"

"Why're you listening to Macavity?" demands Tugger. "He's a criminal."

The old leader glances up at his second eldest son and sighs. "There was a video... and we play poker sometimes." This causes a few tribe members to blink, but he continues anyway. "So, each of you will do something, depending on what I draw from this hat... and you'll do it to the cat you're assigned to."

Coricopat and Tantomile's eyes widen. "What?! We're doing what?!"

"What're we doing?" Tumblebrutus asks his queenfriend.

Tantomile runs a paw through her head fur and sighs. "You'll see... there's two options, neither one a really good one... though one, I'm sure, will go better than the other."

"Oh, yeah," Coricopat mutters.

Deuteronomy rolls his eyes. "Okay, so... Tantomile and Electra... Munkustrap and Rumpelteazer, Jenny and Jemima... Alonzo and Gus... Mistoffelees and Exotica, Tumblebrutus and Victoria... Admetus and Demeter, Skimbleshanks and Asparagus, Mungojerrie and Coricopat, Bustopher Jones and Pouncival... Tugger and Etcetera... and Plato and Bombalurina... So... have fuuuun," he says as he reaches into the hat and picks one, making the mystics relax. "Kissing one another!"

"What?!"

"No, no, no, I'm _not _kissing Gus!"

"Why Skimble?! I don't wanna kiss him!"

"Yay! I get to kiss Tugger! I get to kiss Tugger!"

"I'm not kissing Pouncival, he's just a kit!"

Coricopat and Tantomile's ears flatten. "Why couldn't it have been slapping?"

"I refuse! I'm not doing it! You can't make me kiss a tom!" a Cockney accent cries.

"Enough!" cries the leader before he rubs his temples. "It's a bonding exercise, so just try it!"

That was the "daddy mode" voice so therefore, they have no choice otherwise a lot of them are going to get something they haven't gotten since they were kittens... a spanking... or something skillfully thrown at them if they try to run. Briefly, everyone considers it, he can only hit so many, but Tugger sighs, making everyone turn to him. He knows his dad has a hidden speed so they've got no choice.

"Fine, but you owe us."

"Certainly," agrees the leader as he sits down.

_Tantomile & Electra:_

Tantomile blinks as she sees what Tugger's planned. Deuteronomy just said kiss, he didn't say kiss on the lips. _Brilliant! You found a loophole!_

"D-do I have to kiss you?" Electra asks.

"Yes, but it's just a kiss on the cheek, it doesn't have to be on the lips."

The striped kit grins. "Oh, then that's okay!"

Tantomile kisses Electra's cheek and Electra kisses hers. "There, now we've kissed each other."

_Wow, that didn't sound exactly how I wanted it to._

"I wonder what everyone else is gonna do and if they figured it out yet."

_Munkustrap & Rumpelteazer:_

The silver tabby looks at the tri-colored calico awkwardly. Rumpelteazer smiles sheepishly, her dark brown eyes gaining that tint of green. They only exchange awkward smiles before Munkustrap points to her and himself, a silent question. The she-thief glances at Demeter and gets a nod of approval.

"Okay," sighs the calico queen before she gets on her tiptoes and pecks Munkustrap on the lips.

Munkustrap blinks and lifts his eyebrows. "Easier than I thought it would be," he says before he chuckles. "Really awkward."

She nods. "Oh, yeah, it was awkward... but it wasn't bad."

Suddenly be blinks, silver eyes shocked. "That was your first kiss, wasn't it?"

"N-no," she stutters.

"It's okay... I just feel like you should've kissed the tom that you really like," he says.

Her face pales. "You don't know who that is, do you?"

"My little brother, who else?" the tabby asks.

The calico blushes. "Y-yeah... but I don't mind that my first kiss was with you."

He smiles. "I'm glad you're not too upset. I just hope Demeter's alright with it.:

"She is, she gave me her permission before I did it."

"Oh? Okay."

_Jenny & Jemima:_

Jenny bends down and kits a kiss on Jemima's forehead, causing the young queen to smile before kissing the Gumbie Cat's cheek.

"I sure hope Alonzo and Gus figured this out," Jenny murmurs.

"I know... Oh," Jemima squeals, covering her face when she glances in their direction.

Jenny looks over and collapses in laughter, her entire body shaking. "Oh, oh, dear Everlasting, that is priceless!"

Jemima looks up when she hears a soft click sound and sees that Tugger had a photo and showing it to Etcetera, Munkustrap, and Tantomile. Obviously those that looked were amused and when she looks again, she bursts into laugher. It was priceless!

_Alonzo & Gus:_

Gus sits there, a bored expression on his face as he looks up at the black and white patched tom. Obviously he doesn't want to kiss the elder tom, who's been an uncle figure to him, to a lot of them despite having been the Heartthrob before. Dark brown eyes stare into bright blue ones with boredom and he sighs.

"Seriously, I've been through stuff like this before back in my day," assures the black and brown stripped tom. "Do you know how many toms I had to stage kiss?"

"I-I know, but-"

"He never said how long you had to kiss me," the actor says, trying to provide some sort of comfort to the patched tom. "Or-"

"I know, but I just don't want to," the black and white tom says, cutting off the black and brown tom before he could point out what others have already figured out.

_Well, now I'm not gonna tell him,_ Asparagus Sr. thinks.

"Just come here," the elder tom says, grabbing the wrist of the patched tom before dragging him into his lap and planting a kiss on Alonzo's lips.

_Come on, someone take a picture! This is blackmail gold here!_ Gus thinks, feeling one of Alonzo's paws on his shoulder and the other on his chest and one leg kicked out, before he hears a soft click. _Thank Everlasting._

He pulls away and Alonzo blushes furiously. "Uh..."

"There, was that so bad?"

"Um... I'm gonna go sit over here," Alonzo says, going to sit on a can and scrubbing his mouth furiously.

Tugger puts a gloved paw on Gus' shoulder. "Thank you for providing blackmail."

"No problem. Payback for him not shutting up long enough to listen that Deut didn't say how we had to kiss."

A chuckle. "I'm glad he did!"

_Mistoffelees & Exotica:_

The black and white tux walks up to the dark brown queen reluctantly and as soon as he opens his mouth, he's assaulted by lips. He gapes for a moment before he blinks after the queen pulls away. He's shocked that they didn't even have a decent, yet awkward conversation, much like the others, before kissing one another. Of course Exotica, much like her sister, likes to get to the point and save awkward conversations for later, a habit that the both of them, as Gus has said, got from their mother, a queen named Kohana.

The dark queen raises an eyebrow. "So?"

"Oh," the conjuring cat murmurs, his dark eyes looking up at the queen, sister of his sometimes assistant, and sighs. "Um... thanks?"

She rolls her eyes. "How was it?"

Blush is furious on his face and he gulps. "Um... it was- uh- it was really nice."

"First kiss?"

"No!"

"Kissing your sister on the cheek doesn't count."

"Then... yes... I was hoping for Teazer."

She spins him around and shoves him forward, making his wish come true. The brown queen smirks. "Wish granted!"

_Tumblebrutus & Victoria:_

_Oh, boy, Plato's gonna kill me... and Misto... and Tugger and Munkustrap_, thinks the white and brown young tom.

"Come on, it's not your first kiss," Victoria says with a smirk.

"No, I've kissed Tantomile," he says, though neglecting to reveal it has only been a pawful of times. "It's just that your mate's gonna kill me."

"He won't kill you so long as I don't kill Bomba and I'm not gonna do that," assures the white queen.

He sighs. "Okay, fine..."

He moves to kiss her, like an actual kiss, but he can't do it. This queen is too much like a sister, it'd be like kissing Etcetera or Electra. It's not something that he wants to do. He grimaces before he diverts from his original course and kisses her cheek.

She blinks before smirking. "Nice. You're thinking more."

"I'm not Pouncival... speaking of which I'm kinda worried... No, I can't have them think that a kiss on the lips is the only way, i have to spare my kitten brother."

Victoria nods. "Let's go... Wait, since when did Alonzo become a queen?"

The two of them laugh as they make their way to Victoria's uncle, trying not to laugh too loudly.

_Admetus & Demeter:_

This is odd, obviously, and Admetus ends up scratching the back of his neck. "Um... so... kissing?"

Demeter looks up at him before sighing. "Let's just get this over with."

The grayish brown tom glances over to Jenny and Jemima and blinks, finding their idea to be a while lot better. "Hey, we don't have to kiss each other's lips."

"He didn't say how we had to kiss," she says in realization.

"So... on the cheek?"

She nods. "Yeah," she agrees before kissing his cheek.

He breathes deeply and kisses her cheek, an innocent kiss, and pulls away, blushing. "Hehe, um... wait what?!"

The black and gold queen's eyebrows come together until the tom that's laughing like a hyena points to Alonzo and Gus. Demeter's paws fly to her mouth as she tries her best not to laugh her tail off, but it's really hard. After, all, it's hilarious.

_Skimbleshanks & Asparagus:_

The two of them stare at each other for a long time, the both of them reluctant to kiss one another. Asparagus is jealous of his mate and wishes that he was out with her gathering herbs. Skimbleshanks is jealous of his brother-in-law, Lyon, because he'd like to be on a train far away from here today, but Deuteronomy decided that today was a good day to do... whatever this is.

"You know... we kiss each other on the cheek all the time," the rusty red tom informs.

The marmalade tom nods. "True... he didn't say how."

The two hug one another, saying, "I love you" and kissing one another's cheeks. At least they didn't do what Alonzo and Asparagus did.

_Mungojerrie & Coricopat:_

The two toms stare at one another, dark brown eyes staring into bright blue ones. The one with bright blue eyes slowly raises his right paw before bringing it down swiftly on the other's face and a Cockney accented voice shouts out in pain.

"That hurts!" Mungojerrie complains.

Coricopat shrugs. "It's a slap, it's supposed to hurt."

The calico slaps back and the two end up in a staring contest, one of which the thief loses, making the mystic smirk. "This is supposed to be kissing... why'd you slap me?"

A shrug. "I just felt like it."

Mungojerrie glares at him before slapping back. "I can't stand you sometimes."

"Ditto... let's get this over with," sighs the tom.

Coricopat bends down and quickly kisses Mungojerrie on the lips... what makes him angry is that he could've just kissed this tom's cheek instead. "Really?! You couldn't have told me before I kissed him?!"

Mungojerrie blinks. "Tell you what?"

"That we could've kissed cheeks..."

The thief stops to the ground in shock and stares at the sky. "W-we could've kissed cheeks..."

Coricopat groans. "Oh, great, he's in shock..."

Bustopher Jones & Pouncival:

Pouncival looks up at the cat in white spats and shifts awkwardly. He hasn't talked enough to the black and white tux in order to be comfortable with jumping up and slapping him. Sure, he has a high respect for him and wants to get a nod of acknowledgement from him now and again, but he doesn't know him that well. Bustopher feels that he shouldn't have to kis a tom-kit, that it's completely and morally wrong.

"Hey, guys," Victoria calls, walking her kissing partner.

Bustopher relaxed at the prolonged doom. "Yes?"

"You two don't have to kiss each other on the lips," Tumblebrutus informs, getting a hug from his younger brother.

"Thanks! You talked to Old Deut for me?!"

"No, I mean, you can kiss each other on the cheek," the elder brother informs.

"Oh..." the emerald eyed kit mutters before sighing. "Okay, then... let's go."

Pouncival kisses the tom's cheek and Bustopher kisses the tom-kit's cheek. Very awkward indeed.

_Tugger & Etcetera:_

"Oh, my Everlasting, I can't believe I get to kiss you," Etcetera squeals. "And you kiss me!"

He bends so she gets to kiss his cheek and she giggles and squeals until he kisses her cheek and she faints.

Tugger straightens up and sighs. "I knew it."

_Plato & Bombalurina:_

"So... go on and kiss me," the crimson queen orders, a finger lightly tapping her arm lifted.

The copper tom pales. "U-uh... I guess..."

She tilts her head, waiting for him to kiss her, but he doesn't. With a roll of the eyes and a quiet sigh the scarlet queen quickly presses her lips to his and pulls away, leaving him shocked. After all, she's the crush of a lot of toms and if Plato's honest, he's had a crush on her for a while, though he _does _love Victoria with all his heart. It's... a tom thing.

"What is Alonzo doing?" Bomba asked, a smirk already on her face before she starts giggling.

Plato snaps out of his shock and turns around before bursting into laughter, which he has to try to calm my biting on his fisted paw otherwise Alonzo will know that everyone knows. After all, this is blackmail gold. Luckily Alonzo's too distracted to go away.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER!~

Old Deuteronomy smiles as everyone talks, telling of what happened, save for Alonzo and Gus, which he saw and laughed at earlier, and Etcetera who's still unconscious on the ground.

"Hey, dad, I got a picture for you," Tugger says.

Deuteronomy gets a picture of Alonzo in Gus' lap and Deuteronomy bites his fist to keep from laughing. "Thanks son."

"Thanks for setting them up together," Tugger says.

"No problem. I didn't know it would end _that _well," admits the multi-brown tom.

* * *

HAT: Well... that's it. I have to admit, the picture of Alonzo and Gus, in my mind, though disturbing, was hilarious when I pictured tomly Alonzo acting like a queen and... well, I wish I could draw a picture, but I'm really... sub par so you get no picture.

Tantomile: That was... interesting... review.


End file.
